You may not think the words ‘Divorce’ and ‘successful’ belong in the same sentence. But there are good and bad ways to deal with a relationship breakdown, particularly when there are children involved. Communication, compromise and co-operation lie at the heart of negotiating your way ‘successfully’ through the process:
Communication is key, and you can prioritise it in a number of ways:
Communication with your ex-partner/spouse. It is important to keep civil lines of communication open with your ex-partner, especially when there are children involved. Parenting does not end with Divorce. A good and reliable method of communication is essential if you are to co-parent your children effectively.
Communicate with your children, on their level, when appropriate. Children need reassurance that they are still loved, that this is not their fault, and that the adults are in charge. Studies show that children in low conflict separations are less likely to want their opinions to be heard. This is because they trust that the adults will do best by them.
Stay in touch and in communication with your solicitor. Do not make major decisions without consulting or at least informing him/her. Certain decisions may have consequences which you might not anticipate. Even if you’re going through a mediation process, make sure to communicate with your solicitor if, and when, in doubt.
Every successful agreement includes a measure of compromise from both people involved. Be prepared to compromise to achieve the best outcome. Consider the points you are willing to compromise on. But also consider the issues that are more important to you, on which you need to stand firm. It’s highly unlikely that a couple will reach agreement outside of the court system, without each being willing to compromise.
Co-operating with your ex-partner might be the last thing you want to do. But this is an essential part of working together into the future to co-parent your children. We all understand the day to day demands of juggling work, schooling and extra-curricular activities for children. Add in the access times and moving between parents and houses, and you realise how important it is to co-operate. A left behind school bag, or uniform, or an unexpected work meeting can cause unnecessary conflict if not handled properly. So there needs to be a level of understanding and mutual co-operation in a successful divorce.
If you need advice or support on any of the issues raised above, please call Alan Finnerty on 01 637 6200. Or you can email him at alan.finnerty@orpenfranks.ie
*In contentious business, a solicitor may not calculate fees or other charges as a percentage or proportion of any award or settlement.
